When you feel depressed, it is hard to function, life can feel overwhelming and lonely…
Depression can be completely debilitating. It doesn’t just affect individuals, it impacts families and can devastate lives. Even people who appear to ‘have it all’ suffer, often because of the pressure to be perfect. However, depression needn’t be a life sentence, not when there are fast and effective solutions available, which is why I want everyone to know about them.
Why do people get depressed?
As a celebrity therapist with over thirty years experience of freeing clients from all kinds of issues, including depression, I have often been asked why do people get depressed?
Here are my thoughts on 5 causes of depression:
1. Not feeling good enough
Not feeling worthy enough or believing we are good enough is the curse of the modern world. So many people feel pressured nowadays and are made to think that they are not pretty enough, smart enough, or rich enough. This feeling of not being enough affects everyone – even those who appear to ‘have it all.’
I’m often asked why celebrities get depressed when they appear to ‘have it all’?
When you don’t yet have it all, you have hope that one day your life will be great. When your life is great and you are still depressed, you feel even more worthless and alone feeling that way. Many people also feel like they don’t deserve success, we’ve all heard of
‘Imposter Syndrome’ and it can affect people in different ways. I also advise people not to try to be perfect, people who try to be or appear perfect are the most depressed, the most stressed and the most unhappy.
The pressure of expectations
Women who are known for their beauty often feel like they can never have a day off, which may make them want to do what Britney Spears did—cut off their hair, get fat and give up. Many beautiful women retire into seclusion: Liz Taylor, Rita Hayworth, Greta Garbo, Ava Gardner, Anita Pallenberg all disappeared from the spotlight for a while, maybe to break away from the pressure of people’s expectations. Sportsmen feel pressure to be peak performers all the time. It’s interesting how many comedians are actually depressed – they put on an act of being happy and funny, then feel so much pressure to be funny all the time, which actually makes them unhappy. Robbie Williams famously became very depressed once he ‘had it all’ and sadly Robin Williams was a leading example to us all about just how much people may be struggling with depression, despite their presentation to the world.
Not feeling lovable enough
Commonly, depression comes down to not feeling loveable enough or good enough just as we are. People who feel unlovable are often drawn and driven to fame as they feel it will cure them. However fame can actually increase feelings of depression. The feelings of “I’m not loveable, but if I’m famous everyone will love me” morphs into “I am not lovable, everything I have is a fake – my fans only love my voice, body, lifestyle or who I am pretending to be.” Of course in the public eye everyone gets to see the destructive behaviour, so it’s all made worse. Not to mention the hurtful and harmful impact of ‘trolls’ and cyberbullies.
2. Not doing what you love or following your heart’s desire
Evidence has shown that when people don’t follow their inner yearnings or do what they love, this can create depression, sadness, apathy and illness. I have worked with so many clients who were depressed because they didn’t
take up the career they have a calling for or had a deep need to be involved in. So much depression is down to people not doing what they want to with their lives and suffering because of it.
In this article on 12 Tips To Heal Depression, I share that if you are depressed, because you have not followed your heart’s desire, it is never too late to do something about it. Even if you can’t make it your career, you can still make it a hobby. Don’t live a life full of regrets about what you did not do, instead do something about it.
Doing what you love helps our bodies to heal as it activates our natural relaxation response, flooding our bodies with feel-good hormones and allowing our nervous system to relax and restore. Laughter is an important antidote to depression. Laughter releases endorphins and decreases stress hormones in the bloodstream, having a positive influence on our bodies. Many studies have shown that if you consistently watch funny films, you make different chemicals to the ones you make when you feel depressed.
3. Feeling Out of Control
Depression can also be about not being able to control events. When something happens outside of our control, like a partner getting ill or when something traumatic happens, we feel like we can’t control anything and this can bring on depression.
We can’t control outside events like the weather, traffic or even our bodies, but we can control our thinking. Learning to think positively and to take control of our thoughts is very effective at transforming depression.
Change your behaviour as well as your beliefs and thoughts
In my book Ultimate Confidence, I talk about how changing your thinking changes your feelings. However with depression it is also essential that you also do some activities, because doing something that requires activity, no matter how small, can also change the depression.
The way you act and the actions you take will change the way you feel.
Feelings follow behaviour, therefore I tell my clients with depression that you must do what you don’t want to do to help change how you feel. Don’t wait for motivation or an improvement in mood before you take action, take action and you will become more motivated and get an improvement in mood.
4. Chemical imbalances and unhealthy lifestyles
Depression caused by chemical imbalances can feel outside of our control. However, the good news is that there are things you can do to put yourself back in control. We are in control of what we eat, think and do, therefore we are empowered to make choices that impact our day to day living and health.
Many studies show that our modern diet and lifestyle are making us ill. This article on How To Be Healthy looks at how we are what we eat, think and do. As Aristotle famously said ”Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
You are in control of what you put into your body and mind and you can take positive action to do what’s important to lead a happy, healthy and fulfilled life.
5. Disconnection from what matters most
We may technically be more connected than ever, but we are actually experiencing more disconnection to other people and a lack of human contact leads to unhappiness.
As humans, we are naturally social creatures. We need to feel a sense of belonging, that we are connected to others. This is deeply programmed into us for the survival of our species. As babies we need a connection to other people – to provide for us, to care for us, to feed and protect us – our lives depend on it.
Researchers have shown that loneliness and rejection activates the same parts of the brain as physical pain. Shockingly research has also shown that loneliness can be more dangerous to your health than smoking or obesity. With social pain being likened to physical pain, it’s no wonder we are all suffering so badly from this Disconnection Epidemic.
You might think that disconnection doesn’t affect you, but it does. It will affect your children, parents, friends, colleagues and the people that matter in your life. Disconnection is a major risk factor for suicide and even though we are all increasingly digitally connected, we are more disconnected from what truly matters. The world is being deeply affected by this issue of disconnection and I want everyone to know how to fix it, because there are so many people you can help, including yourself. No one needs to suffer when solutions are available.
So what can we do about it?
We collectively must acknowledge that this is causing great harm in our lives, relationships, and ability to connect and feel truly fulfilled.
There has never been a more necessary time to stand together for happier and healthier lives. The best way we can make that happen is by first recognising and healing this within ourselves, then helping others do the same. We can show others how to be happy, healthy and connected, by connecting ourselves.
I speak from personal experience:
I have been disconnected at times in my life, I was a single mother and really know what it’s like to have no one to turn to. However, when I discovered how to truly transform lives, my life took on a whole new meaning. When you find something that works so powerfully, you want to share it with the world so everyone can benefit, which is exactly what I’m doing now.
I am teaching others everything I know, so that they too can transform lives and free people from any pain and suffering. I created Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (RTT™) from over thirty years of working with thousands of clients on every kind of issue imaginable. Because of this, I now wake up every day full of purpose and connection, knowing that I am making a difference to people’s lives. I believe that it is the most fulfilling and rewarding work in the world. I love what I do and do what I love and I love to share this with others too.
I have dedicated my life to helping others master the power of their mind and I want to help everyone know that they are enough just as they are – always have been and always will be. No one needs to suffer when we have the most powerful and effective solutions available
How to Free Yourself From Depression:
1. Tell yourself you are enough every day. Do it when you are in the shower, or cleaning your teeth. Our mind believes what we repeatedly tell it, so the more you tell yourself you are enough, the better you will feel. When you believe you are good enough and loveable, so will others. It’s not about what you look like or have, it’s about how you feel inside. Telling yourself every day “I am enough, I am lovable and will always be good enough” can and will change your life. All the clients I have got to do this – including some who were almost suicidal – tell me it changed their life forever. Read Sofia’s story here on overcoming suicidal depression. Give yourself the praise you most need to hear every day and share praise with others too. The more you love yourself, the more others will love you too.
2. Do what you love and follow your heart’s desire. If you always wanted to work with animals but being a vet is beyond you, become a dog walker. If you wanted to act and have left it too late, join a drama group. Do what you love, if that’s cooking, gardening, animals, children anything – fit it into your life. Remember, it’s the simple things that give us the most pleasure. Find ways to do what you love and love what you do. Most of all remember to love you.
3. Remember you are always in control – you can control your thoughts. You cannot control anything external to you, but you can control your response and what you choose to tell yourself about it. Remember – you always have a choice. This is a very empowering truth to remember. I delve deeper into this in my article How To Deal With Anxiety – The Secret to Phenomenal Coping Skills.
4. You are in control of what you put into your body and mind, which empowers you to be in the driving seat and make choices that will help you to be healthy. Take fish oils with omega 3 in them or eat avocado, olives, raw nuts and seeds or oily fish at least 3 times a week. Omega 3 makes your body burn fat too. Take all the B and D vitamins, if you are not eating the foods full of essential oils– the clue is in the word ESSENTIAL. Our body can’t make them and they are literally essential for our mental health. Read more about the foods I rate and the foods I hate. Exercise is also an important natural antidepressant, as it releases endorphins. Plus, make sure that you get some daylight every day, as it is needed for vitamin D and boosts serotonin, which is a natural antidepressant. Oxytocin, is also a natural antidepressant and happy hormone, released through touch, hugs, massage, orgasms and even stroking a pet.
5. Connect to what matters most – other people. Depression can often take the fun out of life and leave people not wanting to go out and join social activities. However, this is where doing the things you don’t feel like doing can actually make you feel so much better longer term. Talk to other people who understand, find uplifting examples of those who have fully recovered and know that it is possible for you too. Therapy with the right therapist is incredibly helpful and you don’t need to spend years on a therapist’s coach. I developed Rapid Transformational Therapy™ to provide dramatic life-changing results and empower clients to break free of their issues quickly and permanently, often in just 1 – 3 session.
Depression often comes down to not feeling good enough. It is so often linked to not following our heart’s desire and having the life we want and thus, being full of regrets for the things we did not do, which brings on apathy inertia. Our mind’s primary purpose is to try to protect us and keep us safe, to prevent us being at risk or in danger. Our symptoms are usually our body’s way of communicating with us that something needs to change. One of the ways that Rapid Transformational Therapy™ gets fast and permanent results, is that we look at what is the role, function and purpose the depression is playing in your life. RTT actually gets to the root cause of the problem and alleviates it by rewiring the mind, using a principle known as neuroplasticity. Understanding is power and the understanding gained through Rapid Transformational Therapy can have the most liberating transformative power to change lives forever.
If you are interested in learning more about how you can become qualified in Rapid Transformational Therapy, either live in person or from the comfort of your own home, please visit: https://rapidtransformationaltherapy.com.