Published: August 14, 2019
Updated: December 2, 2021
August 14, 2019
If you are in a relationship right now that you’re struggling to make work, or you have been searching for love for ages and can’t seem to find the right person for you, it is very likely that your belief system around learning to love yourself could be the issue.
Once you take the focus off your relationship with your other half and focus on yourself, using the tools I outline, you might just find that your relationships instantly improve. After all, the people in the happiest relationships are the people who are also happy on their own.
I want to emphasize that you won’t be able to effectively fix your relationships with other people in your life until you improve your relationship with yourself. When you know how to fall in love with yourself, your life becomes extraordinary. That is why learning to love yourself is so important to knowing and feeling that you are lovable on every level.
The interesting thing about love is that people can only love you as much as you love yourself. When you know your self-worth, everyone else will know it too. Learning to love yourself really can transform your life.
The truth is, you can only love another person to the degree that you love yourself; and another person can only love you to the degree that they love themselves.
Bad relationships can take many, many forms but the people who stay in them tend to have something in common. They are afraid to end the relationship—no matter how bad it is—because they are terrified of not being loved outside of it.
It is such a tragedy to see someone wasting away in a bad relationship because they feel that no one else would love them if they leave. But the truth is that a feeling of lovability cannot come from another person; it has to come from within by learning to love yourself.
If the idea of learning to love yourself seems impossible to you, consider the fact that once upon a time, you loved yourself effortlessly.
When you were a baby, you clearly communicated your needs (by crying, mostly) and you happily accepted all the love and care that came your way, because you instinctively knew you deserved it and that you were enough.
It was only when you became older and learned otherwise that you would begin to tolerate being with someone that didn’t love you as you deserve to be loved. It's actually very good news to recognize that you were born with this belief, because we can reactivate, re-manifest, regenerate and recreate what you were already born with. You were born to be loved.
It’s important to remember that our survival as children is linked to our parents loving us and looking after us. If they appear not to, as children we always believe it is our fault. Our young minds lack logic before the age of three. Therefore, we believe that if things are not happy at home, we are in the wrong and must change our own behavior.
Usually, it comes from comparison, or as I like to call it— being loved with conditions. Our parents might’ve said to us: “Oh you’re so clever for getting those good grades, I love you for it” or, “I love you, you‘re so handsome/pretty/ helpful.” With these subtle statements, we learn that love is contingent—on being clever, or funny, or attractive—and so we stop believing that we can be loved just as we are.
Some of us had parents who threatened to withdraw love if we did not behave in a way that pleased them: “I won’t love you if you do that,” “You’re not loveable when you behave that way,” or the classic “I’m leaving… I will leave you here if you misbehave.”
Small children must idealize adults because they innately know that their survival depends on adults caring for them. Thus, believing everything adults say, they then begin to adapt to try and please them, trying to learn to be lovable.
When they hear these love-is-contingent kinds of statements, they go from a state of “I’m loveable,” to “Please love me.” It’s a crucial, if subtle, shift. They then do whatever they can to ensure that their parents continue giving them love. When it does not work they change their thinking to “You don’t love me and if you don’t love me no-one else will.”
As clients unravel the long-held beliefs (untruths) that they felt that they were not loveable enough, because their parents were always at work /dad left /mum preferred the new husband /new baby, etc, they realized that they had added on another very unhelpful belief to the already damaging belief of ‘I am not loveable’.
The belief they added on was that it will always be like this, it will be like this forever, for the rest of my life. You see the child can’t fix it, can’t make it better and so they assume it must be their fault. Since they can’t fix it they will never be able to fix it
and thus begins the damage that can last a lifetime, unless we find someone who can help us change this forever.
Do you want to know a powerful truth that will change your life - your beliefs are yours to change. By learning to love yourself, you can transform your life.
I always say, first, you make your beliefs, then your beliefs make you, and then the world starts to match your belief. Your beliefs may have been programmed into you in the past, but you don’t have to let them dictate your future - you can change your beliefs and change your life.
That is why I created Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (RTT™) to help people improve lives by getting to the root cause of an issue and remove any limiting beliefs and blocks to love, success, health and wealth. Using the proven principles of Neuroscience, we can then rewire the mind for success and achieve dramatic life-changing results.
Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (RTT™) is an award-winning complete solution-based treatment, offering fast effective results by combining the most beneficial principles of Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, NLP, CBT and Neuroscience. RTT can help clients experience powerful shifts, and feel much happier, healthier and lovable for a more fulfilled life.
Love what you do and do what you love.
I honestly believe that I have the best job in the entire world and am now teaching others how to do what I do, so that they too can have a successful career transforming lives. I love what I do and I do what I love. I love it because I wake up every day with meaning and purpose, knowing that somebody on the planet's having a better life because of me. I wake every day to cards and letters from people hearing their success stories, about how they have transformed their lives in the most incredible ways, it’s the most rewarding job in the world.
Being in love with yourself is a lifelong romance that never fades, tires or disappoints.
If you go through life feeling unlovable it will affect the quality of any relationships you have. If you date or live with someone who feels unlovable, it’s really hard to have a healthy deep relationship. More problems occur from people attracting and staying with the wrong person because they feel unlovable, as they are too scared to leave in case they don’t find someone else. These practical steps on ‘How To Fall In Love With Yourself ‘will help give you the tools to dramatically change your life forever.
The truth is that you do not need to rely on anyone else to make you feel loved, it comes from within. When you're learning to love yourself, you also give permission to others to love you too. When you truly love yourself from the inside out, you believe that you are always good enough just as you are and this simple truth can change your life.
You can now reprogram your beliefs to enjoy new positive empowering lovability from the comfort of your own home. Download this relaxing Lovability audio to listen to anytime and anywhere to accelerate learning to love yourself. The more you listen, the more benefit you receive, until you can't just know you are lovable, you will feel it to such an extent that it will radiate out and other people will sense it and love you too.
The feeling of believing we are not lovable or not loveable enough affects everything that we do—our jobs, our relationships, and our opinion of ourselves.
When we know we are loveable, we give and receive love more easily and our lives are happier. We are able to do more and achieve more in every area of our lives.
But learning how to feel that we are lovable may not be as simple as we hope. It takes a lot of self-belief, self-acceptance, and self-confidence to truly believe it and embody it in all that we do. However, if you are prepared to put in the time and dedication, Marisa Peer has the perfect thing for you.
The 21-Day Unstoppable Confidence Challenge aims to help you shake off the failures in your past, and instil new, unflappable belief in yourself. When you believe in yourself and all that you can achieve, you will be able to accept yourself as you are, and feel lovable.
To find out more about the challenge, make sure you click the banner below and sign-up today to begin your transformative journey towards self-confidence and true self-love.
Marisa shares an abundance of free resources and tools to help people grow and transform as part of her philanthropic goals. With a weekly reach of 25 million, follow Marisa’s latest content across her social media channels.
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