Love will never come to you until you love yourself

Love will never come to you
Until you love yourself

Posted on February 11th 2020 | By Marisa Peer

Love will never come to you until you love yourself

Is this you…

  • You always put other people first?
  • You seek approval and validation from others?
  • You desperately want love, but don’t give it to yourself?

The interesting thing about love is that people can only love you as much as you love yourself. When you know your self-worth, everyone else will know it too.

Nothing is more important than liking and loving yourself. When you know that you are significant, worth love, praise and time, others will know it too.

Find out how repeating statements such as ‘I am enough’, ‘I matter’, and ‘I am lovable’ can reinforce your positive empowering beliefs to literally transform your life.

Self-love - what is it and why does it matter?

Self-love is an unshakable belief in the worthiness of one's self. With it, I truly believe you can do anything. Without it, you may always feel that you are not quite good enough, no matter what your accomplishments are or how many other people value you. Without self-love, you may be subconsciously sabotaging yourself, suffering disconnection to what matters most in life.

When you learn to love yourself you have a lifelong romance that never fades, tires or disappoints you, love is always available to you no matter what.  

The world needs you to love yourself

Loving yourself isn't the same as ego or narcissism; it's a sense of radical self-love. It is important to love yourself, not so you can be superior or better than anyone else, but rather so that you too can help change the world we live in with love.

Learning to love yourself means seeing the inherent value in what you can offer others, building up those around you because you know how to build up yourself. You are kind to others as you are kind to yourself first.

Do you know why you act the way you do?

As we age, we wonder why we have the same stubborn problems following us around, such as relationship sabotage, fear of commitment or even lack of motivation, weight issues, or addictions.  In a great many cases, these issues turn into a kind of self-loathing, a resignation to the fact that we will never be who we want to be. Our conscious mind just assumes it is our own fault: that we are lazy, we aren't good enough, we simply can't change it, that this is how life will always be. Meanwhile, our harder-to-reach subconscious mind is often still stewing in the deep-rooted causes, unaware of what is going on up at the surface level.

Learn to love yourself to transform your life

As a therapist, I meet so many people who don't like themselves and by extension create lives they don't like either.  In contrast, when I work with people who have learned to love themselves, they love their lives as a result. It's not because they are perfect, had perfect parents, or experienced no adversity (sometimes quite the opposite); it's because they have learned how to self-dialogue and redirect their insecurities and fears around rejection and disconnection into a tremendous self-belief.

I want everyone to know that it's not only possible to get over your problems, issues, and hang-ups to live a full and happy life—it's yours for the taking once you learn to love yourself and get your mind on side, working for and not against you.

We need more connection and less rejection

I  recently spoke out about the very real risks of the disconnection epidemic we are all facing. Despite living in a digitally connected world, we are more disconnected than ever before. I am deeply saddened by the suffering of disconnection and devastated by lives that have been lost. No one should needlessly suffer, not when we have powerful tools available to help change lives for good.  I developed Rapid Transformational Therapy™ to help as many people as possible achieve life-changing transformation, which starts from a place of self-love.

What lies beneath are deep-rooted beliefs

When people don’t love themselves they develop all kinds of coping mechanisms to deal with their uncomfortable beliefs, including addiction, compulsion, depression, and anxiety. What usually lies beneath any client's presenting problem is one of 3 deep-rooted beliefs:

1. I am not enough

2. Love is not available to me

3. It’s hard for me to have love because I am different and cannot connect

I believe that the common denominator of almost everyone’s issues is that, somewhere along the way, they learned that they weren’t good enough. Not loveable enough, successful enough, talented enough, perfect enough or good enough to be accepted and loved unconditionally. However, here’s the truth - you are good enough exactly as you are. Always have been and always will be.


The number one way to love yourself more is by truly believing that you are enough. I have watched over and over how a simple, profound, and life-changing mantra of 'I am Enough' can build self-love and eliminate any limiting beliefs forever.

The number one way to love yourself more is by truly believing that you are enough. I have watched over and over how a simple, profound, and life-changing mantra of 'I am Enough' can build self-love and eliminate any limiting beliefs forever.

I Am Enough’ is the most powerful statement of truth I have taught millions of people all over the world to use to transform their lives.  Put the phrase where you will often see it: by your bed, on your mirror, fridge, phone, laptop, car’s dashboard etc. Tell yourself out loud that you are enough, regularly and repeatedly as this is how the mind learns. Say it in multiple tenses:

“I am enough, I’ve always been enough, I will always be enough.” 

The most important opinion of you is your own

The most important words you will ever hear are the words you say to yourself.  Belief without talent can take you further than talent without belief, but 

when you have both you are unstoppable. When you believe in yourself and your ability to make things happen, it’s amazing the difference it makes in your life.

Self-dialogue for self-love

It's important to accept that we often cannot change the external events that surround us, we can only change how we respond to them. However, the most important thing you CAN change is what you think and say to yourself. When you change your thinking, your beliefs, and your inner dialogue, then everything else changes too.  Changing how you feel on the inside with self-love, will change how you feel about your external events more than you could ever imagine.

Change your language to change your life

What is the praise you would most like to hear?  Love yourself with language, tell yourself the words that mean the most to you, the praise you’ve always longed to hear.

What would you most love to hear and believe?  For example...

I am enough

I matter

I am significant

I am capable

I am lovable

Self-love - learn to love yourself and change your life for good

The truth is that feeling loved cannot come solely from another person, it has to come from within. Tell yourself the words you need 

to hear to truly love yourself from the inside out.  Believe that you are always good enough just as you are and experience the transformation that self-love can bring.

Feeling loved from within is key to feeling happy and successful. When you know how to fall in love with yourself you know that love is always available to you.

These insights are taken from my book I Am Enough, based on the teachings from my award-winning Rapid Transformational Therapy™. If you would like to read more you can get the first chapter free here.

High Self Esteem – #1 Agenda of life? - Evolve HR - 14th April 2020

[…] of the easiest ways to boost your self-esteem is to praise yourself regularly and Learn to Love Yourself. Become aware of your internal dialogue and change it to be positive and empowering. Plus-size […]

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