Celebrity superstar therapist, Marisa Peer, has helped millions of people all over the world improve their lives. She teaches people how to achieve life-changing results and make themselves bulletproof to criticism, including self critical limiting beliefs and behaviors.
Marisa offers so much free advice and resources, to provide effective tools and techniques anyone can use when it comes to bullying. This article collates ANTI-BULLY resources in one place for ease of reference.
Changing the world one life at a time…
Marisa is passionate about helping people overcome any issues, with her award-winning proven success formula Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (RTT™).
“I have been perfecting Rapid Transformational Therapy over the last thirty years, combining the most beneficial principles of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, CBT, NLP and neuroscience. I absolutely love what I do as I get to make the most amazing difference to people’s lives and experience phenomenal results every day.” – Marisa Peer
Marisa is now teaching other doctors, therapists and practitioners how to use Rapid Transformational Therapy to achieve the same dramatic life-changing results she has seen with thousands of clients all over the world.
Marisa shares how simple truths can change your life, such as by knowing that ‘no one can criticize you without your permission’ and that ‘the most important opinion of you is yours.’
Marisa aims to help anyone affected by bullying understand where the negative behavior comes from, so it can be resolved. She empowers people to have more confidence and self-belief, sharing practical techniques anyone can use to overcome criticism and bullying.
This empowering ANTI-BULLY article summarizes Marisa’s teachings on how to break free from bullying behavior…
A Bully – What is a bully and why do they behave the way they do?
When it comes to understanding bullying, Marisa observes that ‘critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves.’ They have so much self criticism that they act out their own inner troubles in the form of bullying. If you imagine two people on a see-saw, the bully feels so low and bad about themselves at the bottom. They try to tip the scales to raise themselves up, by bringing others down and making them feel bad.
Marisa says that the most critical people are their own worst critics, they are expressing outwardly their own inner criticism, hurt and pain. By understanding this, we can tip the scales back,
maintain our own personal power and even feel sorry for those that are critical, as their external projections reveal how they must feel inside.
No one can criticize you unless you let them!
This powerful truth can change your life. In the book, Ultimate Confidence, Marisa tells the story of a Holy man and a critical journalist. Even though the journalist berates and insults all his beliefs, the Holy man continues to beam with happiness and contentment. When the journalist finally asks “why do you continue to smile even when I mock you?” The Holy man replies “if you offer me a gift and I don’t accept it, who has the gift?” The journalist thoughtfully states “Why, I would have the gift”. “Exactly” the Holy man smiled. “If I don’t accept your criticism it stays with you, you can keep it”. Marisa teaches that you can apply this to being criticized, if you don’t accept it and don’t let it in, then you leave it with the critic.
When you choose not to let in opinions that hurt you, then you become bulletproof to criticism. Marisa’s FREE Self-Esteem Mini Course shows you how to control and eliminate the fear of judgement and immediately build a strong sense of self esteem.
Techniques – Marisa’s 5 techniques to deal with criticism and bullying.
The truth is that no one can ever make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them. In her TEDx talk: how to avoid rejection and get connection, Marisa shares these 5 techniques and how ‘no one can reject you without your permission.’
Here are Marisa’s 5 things you can say to someone who tries to criticize you:
- “Thank you for sharing that.” If someone says something hurtful, you are acknowledging their opinion, dissipating any negative tension, but you don’t have to let it in or accept it.
- “I’m sorry I didn’t hear all of that, please can you repeat that slowly?” By asking them to repeat it and really think about what they are saying, they will often take it back or consider how it may come across.
- “Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Are you trying to make me feel bad about myself? Why would you say that?” If there’s a positive intention behind the criticism, by asking this you can understand the motivation behind it.
- “Well, that’s not going to work, I am not going to let that in.” Just like the Holy man, you don’t have to accept criticism, you can choose not to let it in. You cannot stop people criticizing, but you can change the way it affects you.
- “While we are sharing, did you know that critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves? They don’t like themselves, they are their own worst critic. Your outer projections reveal a lot about what’s going on inside.” It’s empowering to know that it’s their issues and not yours.
I Am Enough – how can these three words change your life?
I Am Enough is the life-affirming statement Marisa has taught millions of people all over the world how to use to improve their lives. From working with thousands of clients, she believes that the common denominator of all problems is that we don’t feel good enough.
In her book and transformational online course I Am Enough, Marisa reveals how repeating these words every day can dramatically change your life. As the mind learns through repetition and believes what we tell it, the more we repeat a positive belief statement, the more real it becomes in our mind and our reality. Marisa encourages people to mark their mirror with ‘I Am Enough’, put it on their phone and computers, put it next to their bed and everywhere they see it every day.
Be Brave – stand up, speak out and seek help.
Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to ask for help – take a stand and speak out. When something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to speak up, tell people what is happening and the effect it’s having. You are not alone, being brave is speaking out and accepting help.
When faced with bullying behavior, understandably it can be hard to feel brave. However, even if you just pretend at first, by standing tall and confidently, it sends a signal to you and everyone else that you are bravely standing up to this behavior. Visualize what a brave confident person would look like and then step into that image, pose and posture. Your physiology has an impact on how you feel, so even just standing like a brave confident person can make you feel more brave and confident. Strike a power pose to feel braver.
Speaking out for yourself and others, gaining support and accepting help to improve a situation, is one of the bravest things you can do. Be brave, be open and ask for help when you need it.
Understand how your mind works to become your brain’s best friend.
Marisa shares four simple rules of the mind in this TEDX talk to reach beyond your limits by training your mind.
One of Marisa’s popular sayings is ‘first you make your beliefs and then your beliefs make you.’ This is because whatever you tell your mind it believes, without question. When you understand that your mind responds directly to the pictures and words you tell yourself, you realize that your imagination is the most powerful tool you own.
In her latest book, I Am Enough Marisa says: “The most important words you will ever hear are the ones you say to yourself and believe. Nothing boosts your self-esteem and builds up self-love as praise does. Most people think that praise has to come from external forces, but that’s where they are wrong. Praising yourself holds tremendous power. Praise yourself for who you are as much as for what you do, as this is the fastest way to increase your self-esteem. After all, self-esteem literally means what YOU think of YOU, not what other people think of you (or it would be called other esteem or their esteem!)”
Lemon exercise demonstrating the power of your mind on your body.
In order to see how powerful your mind is and how it responds directly to the images and words you tell it, try this exercise from Marisa’s book: Ultimate Confidence.
Imagine you are holding a lemon in your hand. Look at the outside of it and rub the yellow waxy skin. Squeeze it a little and feel its firmness and its weight. Now imagine raising the lemon to your nose and smelling that unique fresh lemon smell. Imagine cutting the lemon in half and the smell gets stronger. Now imagine biting deeply into the lemon and letting the juice swirl around in your mouth. Taste the sharpness, the fresh citrus flavor. If you have used your imagination well, your mouth will be watering.
Consider the implications of this. When you read those words you were telling your brain you had a lemon. Although it wasn’t actually real, your brain took it seriously and said to your salivary glands, ‘I’m biting a lemon, hurry, wash it away.’ Your glands obeyed.
Every thought you have creates a physical reaction in your body. Your mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined, it believes everything you tell it without question and responds accordingly. That experiment is neutral, so physically no good or harm can come from it, but good as well as harm can come from many of the words we use.
Learn to love yourself
We come onto the planet with two very powerful needs:
- To avoid the pain of rejection
- To seek the pleasure and safety of acceptance and connection
This is a primary instinct we all have, which Marisa explains in her book I Am Enough…
Not too long ago our safety came from belonging to tribes or communities and we would have died without love, connection and being accepted into a group. Being alone or rejected was not only scary but life-threatening, which is why most societies practice exclusion as a very effective punishment. These powerful drivers are also why we suffer so much from bullying and social exclusion.
All our behaviors are designed to ensure we survive: we are born with driving needs to find connection and to avoid rejection in order to increase our chance of survival. However, whilst this is a primary instinct deeply rooted within us, we no longer need social acceptance for survival. Our life no longer depends on needing to fit in, we do not need everyone to like us. Knowing this is liberating. Happiness is an inside job.
Learning to love yourself means being your own ally, friend, and cheerleader, even when your world isn’t doing that for you. It means seeing the inherent value in what you can offer, building up those around you, because you know how to build up yourself.
You are kind to others as you are kind to yourself first. Because you know that you are responsible for the words and images you let into your head, you can make sure your mind is working for you and not against you.
When you know how to fall in love with yourself you know that love is always available to you. Feeling loved from within is key to feeling happy and successful.
You… are unique!
Just like your fingerprints, you are completely unique and individual. No one else in the whole world has your exact combination of DNA, talents, interests, skills and experience. Don’t ever change for anyone else or hide who you are. You cannot control what other people say and do, but you can control how you respond to it and what YOU say and do. Responsibility means an ability to respond and you are responsible for your own happiness, don’t give away your personal power and let anyone else make you unhappy.
Always remember, no one can criticise you without your permission.
You have a choice. Like the Holy man, you can choose not to accept criticism, not to let it in or hurt you. Remember that the most critical people often have the most criticism for themselves. As Marisa says, the most important opinion you have of yourself is yours and the most important words you will ever hear are the words you say to yourself. Give yourself the praise you most need to hear, praise yourself for who you are and build up phenomenal self-esteem. Learn to love yourself. When you know that you cannot be rejected, you can be fearlessly bulletproof and free from bullying.