How To Stop Spending Money
How To Stop Spending Money
Posted on April 25th 2019 by Marisa Peer
Knowing how to stop spending money is an important skill for life. Overspending can be incredibly stressful. People can feel pressure to spend money they don’t have and get into debt, which can lead to all kinds of problems. Don’t start the New Year in debt just for one day of over-indulgence, know how to stop spending money now.
The number one issue couples row over is money, even when they are very rich. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Overspending and all the stress that goes with it can be avoided. Whether it be special holidays, festivities, weddings or birthdays, knowing how to stop spending money will serve you well throughout life.
Here are some tips and practical exercises you can use straight away to improve your relationship with money, plus a free mini-course: Your Relationship With Money.
What’s Your Relationship With Money?
We all have a relationship with money. Some people attract it. They respect it. Other people can't keep it, they don't know how to get money, and they stress and worry about it all the time.
Your deep-rooted beliefs and what you believe you are worth will really affect your relationship with money.
The great irony that we see in the research about lottery winners is that…
...Problems with money can almost never be solved with more money!
Indeed, in all my experiences with clients over the years, I’ve found that people who think they have a problem with money, actually have a problem with scarcity.
We form relationships with money very early on in life, usually by watching our parents’ relationship to it. Then, no matter how much or how little money we go on to earn, that relationship shapes our beliefs. We may have deep-rooted beliefs such as:
How Can We Change Our Relationship To Money?
What would happen if we reframed the thing we have that relationship with entirely? Try thinking - it’s not money, it’s energy.
Money is energy - you give and receive energy all the time.
Let out a deep breath - release any negative energy. Now see how long you can give out without taking a breath back in?
No matter how hard you try, you cannot give without receiving and equally, you cannot receive without giving. Life is all about balance - giving and taking. You cannot do one without the other.
Nature requires a balance. When you have balance - you give and receive equally.
Once we make the idea of money a renewable resource - our personal energy and output - we see that money can come and go a lot more easily. It holds less power over us because we see it as a direct result of our own efforts, rather than something that we
have to fight for. This helps us understand how to stop spending money.
This idea of money as a more fluid resource is something that people who have a lot of money tend to live by. They give and receive money easily; they understand that there is a dynamism to money, that coming and going is part of its nature.
When you address the fear of scarcity, you address the underlying issue most people have with money. Treat money with respect, it is an exchange of value, it is energy.
I’ve found my clients have a lot of success by making a fundamental shift in how they think about money and reframing to it as something else entirely. By making a new relationship with a new thing, we can shed our old beliefs and replace them with more empowering ones. This helps us appreciate how to stop spending money.
Success is not about making more money and having lots of status symbols, it’s about inner peace, liking yourself and being happy doing what inspires you.
One of the things you learn as a therapist is that deep down, most people want the same:
- Love - in the form of affirming relationships.
- Security - usually in the form of money and social ties.
- Success - making a contribution and accomplishing something.
However, even though most people want these things, they often act in ways that run counter to attaining them. For example, couples often fight over money, even when they don’t really even have money worries. This actually negatively impacts their feeling of love, security, and success and they are not valuing the things they actually want the most.
Giving Love and Security Above Buying Things:
One of the most important things you can give your children is a happy stable family environment. The challenge often comes when we are so stressed out trying to buy them things, we end up in arguments or forgetting to enjoy spending quality time together. In our
busy lives, spending time is often more valuable than spending money.
Success isn’t all about money, it’s about making a contribution and accomplishing something.
Scientists have found that doing something nice for others no matter how small, makes us feel better for longer than buying clothes or shoes or comfort eating.
I have had so many big successes and wonderful moments in my life, but what I remember most are little things, like someone at the queue making up my money when I was short. I remember a man’s face on a tube station when I gave him his fare, he was looking so distressed as he didn’t have enough money. When I gave him the money he looked like I had just given him my lottery win and his happiness gave me so much more than the few pounds I gave him.
Practice spontaneous acts of generosity and kindness. It doesn’t need to cost anything. If you’re stuck in a traffic queue and someone wants to join the line, let them in. You’ll feel good about yourself, and you’ll reach where you were going in almost the same length of time, except you’ll be significantly less stressed and better able to cope with what you’re doing when you get there.
The thing I remember the most is a small boy whose family had no money coming to our house when I was about 14, to collect a bike my dad had promised him. Dad had found it abandoned at his school and was working in the garage restoring it so this little boy would have a bike. As I took him to the garage he said to me “your dad is so kind, is he Jesus?” My Dad showed me that life is about making a difference, he was always helping people and I am so glad I learnt from him. You will meet your need for connection and accomplishment when you do this.
Value Your Life and Your Life Will Have Value:
Every day think about what is good and great about your life. Even when things are going wrong and you're stressed out, you can still think:
What is good about this?
It sounds challenging, but you can find good in anything if you look...
- What’s good about being stuck in traffic? You have a car.
- What’s good about a home that needs constant upkeep and a dishwasher that no one else in the family bothers to empty? You have a home, modern comforts and are surrounded by family.
- What’s good about the long queue in the supermarket? You live in a country with an abundance of food and you have enough money to buy it.
Whatever your problem is, may be another person’s absolute fantasy dream come true. There are people who would love to have a job that’s keeping them busy, a partner who is messy, a child who is expensive or a baby who keeps them up at night. By focusing on all the things that are great, you focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have.
I was shamed into thinking this way when I once took my then Croatian au pair into a supermarket with me and she burst into tears at the sight of so much abundant food. At that time her family had no access to food and no money to buy it, she was sending parcels of packet soup home to them. She taught me to focus on how lucky I am.
When considering how to stop spending money, I’ve found over the course of my career that money worries often have nothing to do with how much you can earn or how much you can save.
Financial worries are really about deep-rooted beliefs and what you think you are worth. Your Relationship With Money is influenced by your sense of self-worth.
That’s why today, I’m sharing with you a FREE course that shows you how to liberate yourself from stressing over money, which I hope will be helpful for this time of year.
Join my FREE mini-course and learn How Not To Constantly Worry About Money.