When you experience heartbreak, it can feel crushingly painful, like a part of you has been ripped away forever and the world is ending.
Every song you listen to has a deeper meaning behind it.
When you wake up, the break-up suddenly hits you. Your head starts spinning, and you just want to crawl back into bed and hide away because everything is bleak and has no meaning anymore.
You might lose your appetite and feel your heart has been broken into a million pieces.
The feeling of heartbreak is very real and can be all-consuming.
It’s hard to imagine how you’ll ever get through this…
But you will.
I get asked all the time about how to heal a broken heart, and I’m here to show you what you can do to move on, help ease the pain, and begin to feel not only normal—but incredible again.
Read below to discover the three crucial tips for coping with heartbreak and how to start feeling better today…
1. Time To Heal
Yes, it’s a cliché that time is a great healer, so stay with me on this one…
While you might be grieving right now and not want to hear these words because it’s not helpful at this very moment, I want you to understand why you need time and, more importantly—what you can do with your time while you are going through this process.
It’s also good to know that feelings come and go and that time is fluid, so you won’t be stuck here.
Many people write to me asking, “How can I get rid of the pain, insecurities, and flashbacks?”
First of all, we need to address that it’s important to feel pain. As humans, we have a survival instinct to remember what hurt us. We need to protect ourselves from pain. So while one part of you wants to move on, another part wants to protect yourself from hurt, which is completely normal.
This is why if we burn ourselves on a hot stove, we won’t do it again. If we get food poisoning, we avoid the food we think caused it. Or, if we’ve been locked out of a house, we remember to always check we have our keys. Our mind always remembers.
Right now, you might not be able to imagine having a new partner, let alone flirting with someone, and this is perfectly okay. On the other hand, some people make the big mistake of moving on to someone new straight away, and they don’t allow the healing process to evolve and then make the same relationship mistakes again because they are still suffering in pain.
Remember, if you had a broken leg, you wouldn’t be able to go for a run the next day. Your mind (and heart) need this time and space to heal too. You can permit yourself to indulge in eating that tub of ice cream while binge-watching TV or listening to sad songs—but don’t allow yourself to stay in this place for too long.
You may be thinking, “Well, how long will this pain take?”
But Instead of thinking about the length of time, think about what you can do with this time instead…
While you might be aching for the love lost, it’s also a good time to reflect on what went wrong:
Did you ignore your gut instincts or not listen to what you truly needed from a healthy relationship?
Were there any red flags that you pushed aside and didn’t acknowledge?
What bad qualities did you not like about the relationship that you wouldn’t want to experience again?
When you use the time to really learn from the break-up, you discover what makes you happy and regain your power. This leads me nicely to finding your true self…
2. Explore Who You Are
There is a beauty in a relationship ending, even if you were the one that didn’t want it to end, and this is to discover what lights you up.
You see, some people who are in relationships lose their sense of identity—especially if they tend to have people-pleasing traits. So while you might feel you may have lost a part of yourself to that other person, now you get to claim that part of yourself back.
When you have a break-up, you get to use this time to be selfish again, enjoy the old things you used to love doing, and find new things about yourself that you love and have never experienced.
By doing this, you get to re-frame and re-write your future.
Let’s say you’ve always wanted to visit a new country, try a new class or start a new career, but your ex-partner held you back (whether they knew it or not). Now is the time to take charge of your life and try new things just for you and have some fun.
You get to create a brand new “bucket list,” and you don’t need to answer to anyone.
You might not be in a headspace to think about how your future may look with someone else, but it’s also a great time to think about what you want from a future relationship, so you don’t attract the same type of person again.
When I met my wonderful husband, I was a single parent, and I knew that I needed to have someone who could be there and take care of my daughter and me. For example, I didn’t want someone who wanted to be spontaneous as I couldn’t just drop my daughter at a moment’s notice, so I was very clear on what my needs were and what I wanted and deserved from a new relationship.
Take the time to think about what you would want to make your next relationship better:
What qualities would you want in someone?
What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?
What shared values, interests, and attributes do you want next time?
There is a great quote by Atticus poetry that says, “Chances are your best kiss, your hardest laugh, and your greatest day are still yet to come.” It’s a wonderful reminder that we can experience even better relationships than we ever thought was possible when we allow our minds to open up to new opportunities.
You will find love again; there will be someone better for you, so take this time to get clear on what will bring you the most joy and focus on all of your needs first.
3. Become a Beacon of Love
It might sound silly at first, but ask yourself, “Have I fallen in love with myself?” I’ve lost count of the thousands of clients who have come to me not feeling deeply worthy of love throughout my three decades as a therapist.
The result? They struggle to maintain healthy relationships, find lasting love and keep making the same old mistakes.
Let me ask you this:
Have you ever been or stayed in an unhealthy or toxic relationship that you know deep down is not right?
Do you sometimes attract relationships but don’t seem to keep love?
Do you feel hopeless that long-lasting love is for everyone else but not you?
Not feeling “lovable enough” means that you don’t have the confidence to believe you deserve true love and happiness. Feeling unlovable can actually often repel people, as you give off a type of “unlovable energy.” It can also mean that you stay in the wrong, unhealthy relationships because you are scared that you won’t find anyone else.
On the surface, you could look like a million dollars, but if underneath, you are teeming with any insecurities, relationship worries, jealousy, low self-esteem, or conflict, then you will attract the relationships that match how “good enough” you feel in yourself.
This is the core foundation of all of my work, and I discuss this in more detail here.
The trouble is, this feeling of being unlovable is a block we have on a subconscious level. Only through working on yourself with hypnosis can you tap into your core subconscious to reprogram your beliefs to attract and keep wonderful relationships. You can discover how this works with my Dating and Relationships Bundle.
There is great power in claiming back your power over your heartbreak when you can take responsibility for your inner beliefs around love. The longest relationship you’ll ever have is the relationship you have with yourself, so you need to begin to fall in love with yourself.
Many of us have trouble accepting ourselves fully. We may find it easy to appreciate our strengths, but we develop an overwhelming sense of judgment and rejection regarding our flaws and failures.
Downloading my Dating and Relationships Bundle will help you find that inner confidence. To realize how truly lovable you are and boost your self-esteem to get over your heartbreak—even if you are not ready to meet someone new.
My hypnosis bundle will give you all the foundations you need to set you up to become a shining beacon of confidence.
When you genuinely love yourself, you change how you see yourself, and how others see you too.
By recognizing and honoring your desires, you communicate to yourself and others that you are worthy of a fulfilled and happy life. By allowing yourself this self-care and self-love, you reinforce the message that you are worth it.
Remember that your self-worth starts with fully accepting yourself and knowing that you—alone—are enough.
If you have never been kind to yourself, or have found it hard in the past to say nice things about yourself, now is the time to start this brand new chapter.