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Friendship: The Secrets of Connection and How to Find It

Friendship: The Secrets Of Connection And How To Find It
Friendship: The Secrets Of Connection And How To Find It

Friendship—it can be an emotional and ever-changing journey for many of us. 

Some are lucky enough to meet special people they love, trust, and share mutual support throughout life’s ups and downs. 

For others, friendship can be a more complicated matter. 

Whether you’ve fallen out with your best friend or simply drifted apart from others as you move into different phases of your lives… 

Today, we’ll explore the truth about loneliness, friendships, and the secrets to connecting with others so you can find and enjoy the meaningful love and companionship you deserve. 

Keep reading to discover: 

  • Where loneliness comes from 
  • How to overcome past hurt caused by the breakdown of friendships
  • Why all humans have the desire to create bonds 
  • An example of how our primitive wiring still influences are actions today  
  • The need to find connection and avoid rejection 
  • The importance of finding common ground 
  • How you can start to powerfully attract love and friendship into your life 

Let’s get started! 

Where does loneliness come from?

Loneliness often comes from a failure to bond. 

One of my clients once said to me, “I hate saying goodbye, every time I made a friend we’d move a year later. Until I decided I don’t want to make friends—it’s too painful when they leave.”

Many of us actually create loneliness because we’ve experienced rejection in the past. It takes such a painful hit to our self-esteem and confidence that we decide we’re better off alone. 

For example, when you move a child mid-term and they go to a new school where they have no friends, they feel like a loner, they feel like a loser. Sometimes that is so painful they decide to remain alone and don’t bother trying to make new friends.

Where does loneliness come from?

So let’s look at how we can let go of hurt that came from losing friends or feeling rejected in the past…

How To Overcome Past Hurt and Open Your Heart To Friendship

If you once had a best friend with whom you shared everything and had a big falling out, you may think you could never trust someone with your secrets again.  

We’re brainwashed to believe, “Oh, I was friends with this person and they really hurt me. I could never go through that pain again. I couldn’t do it, I’d rather be alone.”


“I like my own company. I prefer being by myself, I don’t want to have to look after someone else.”

None of this is true. But you know what happens? Your mind listens—and it cannot distinguish between truth and false beliefs.

I want you to understand that your subconscious mind is always switched on. It is always on record. 

So it becomes very clear (in your own mind at least) that you don’t want to open yourself to new people. You don’t want to make friends. You’d rather spend the rest of your life lonely because that’s easy, and it protects you from the pain of rejection. 

But the truth is that nobody ripped out your heart, jumped all over it, or nearly made you lose your mind. 

You may have met someone who betrayed you, hurt you, and lied to you, but they did you a favor—you don’t want to spend your life being friends with someone like that.

If you fall out with your friends, you can go to events, parties, and socials and make new ones—better ones. Everything in you that made those people want to be friends with you before still exists today—they didn’t pack it in a bag and take it with them—it’s still in you. 

overcome past hurt

So don’t isolate yourself, don’t choose to live a solitary life, and don’t remove yourself from accepting the love of others. 

Love is all around you. You don’t have to be alone. 

You can share your lives with others, make amazing friends, and even better memories. And we all need this—in fact, our desire to create bonds is so deeply wired into us, it is traced back to primitive times…

Why Do We Need To Create Bonds?

Take your imagination back to primitive times when a man and woman raised children together. The man would go off to hunt wildebeest and zebras, and the woman would stay home to protect and care for their children. 

Now, the woman knew that it was very likely, due to the danger of the open, wild land, that her partner may not return home again. 

If this was to happen, she knew there was no way she could strap her babies to her back and go hunting to provide for her family all by herself. This left the woman aware that they were in an extremely vulnerable position. 

Therefore, women knew their chances of survival depended on forming relationships with other women in the tribe. So they chatted, gossiped—and bonded. 

Once they shared a bond, they would also naturally begin to share their food or look after each other’s babies while they went gathering.   

This made women in primitive times feel much safer, and is a primal need that is still present today…

We All Have Primitive Wiring—Here’s an Example

Our primal need to form groups remains deeply wired into us.

For example, a woman would never get up and walk into the bushes to the bathroom alone. That was so dangerous. You could be attacked by someone from another tribe or a wild animal. There could be a snake in the grass. So women always went to the bathroom in groups; they had each other’s backs.

To this day, when women are in a club or restaurant, we often say, “Hey, I’m going to the bathroom.” And our friend goes, “I’ll come with you.” 

But if we are in our own homes, we never offer to go to the bathroom with our friends. That’s because if we’re in a restaurant or party, we stay in groups to look out for each other.

It’s that primitive wiring to go to the bathroom in groups because we’re safe. 

And so, we forget that so much of our wiring comes from primitive times. We think we’re incredibly evolved and modern. We are. But we have a lot of primitive wiring, and understanding this is central to our most powerful need…

Why We Need to Find Connection and Avoid Rejection

The most powerful need on the planet is to avoid rejection and find connection.

From the minute we’re born, we naturally know, “If I connect to the people raising me and they don’t reject me, I’m going to live.”

That’s how we make it.

And so we all have a natural desire to keep friends and make new connections when others drift away. 

Because your mind’s number one job is not to keep you happy—it’s to keep you safe. 

Of course, anything that connects you to others keeps you safe. Anything that rejects you makes you feel unsafe. That’s why we don’t like rejection, but we love connection—because in our primitive minds, we feel safe, and that’s what we crave.  

The Importance of Finding Common Ground to Form Friendships

You know, you may be embarrassed to share your love of reality TV, but shows such as Love Island or Married at First Sight are actually really great because they allow you to find connection and avoid rejection. 

You bond with others by asking exciting them questions, “Hey, guess what happened last night!” and “Why do you think they did that?” 

Sure, it’s gossiping, but that’s how women have bonded for hundreds of years. So even things that seem silly and frivolous can actually help us find connection and avoid rejection, making us feel safe. 

If you love trashy TV, you’ll likely meet many others who do too. 

Be open and honest about your interests—be authentic, and people will love that. 

And you can think, “Oh, I’m actually really watching this because I’m talking about it to my friends, and in doing that, I’m finding connection and I’m avoiding rejection.”

Whenever you find common ground to connect on, it’s never bad. It’s good. So enjoy it and understand you’re doing it to feel safe.

The Importance of Finding Common Ground to Form Friendships

Final Thoughts

If you want to attract great relationships—if you want to have amazing friends, friends at work, friends that complete you…

Please check out my Lovability hypnosis audio course. It could change everything—it will help you to attract love and love will also be attracted to you. 

Remember—what you want, wants you. 

If you want love, friendship, companionship, and connection with others—grow and nurture your Lovability. It really does complete you; it makes everything better. 

I adore love, making connections, and enjoying the company of others, and now, you can too. 



Marisa shares her 30 years of experience as a multi-award-winning therapist to celebrities, top athletes, and even royalty. She is the founder and creator of RTT®, the cutting-edge method and hybrid solution-based approach that can deliver extraordinary transformations.



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