Love in color.
All symbols, sayings, and movements for the LGBTQIA+ community. With Pride Month being celebrated yearly and countless supportive charities, you’d think expressing your sexuality would be easy…
But what if you don’t feel confident about sharing your sexuality with others?
What if, behind closed doors, you are frightened of being judged?
What if you are quietly worried about telling close family members or friends about your relationship preferences?
LGBTQIA+ is an inclusive term that includes people of all genders and sexualities, such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, and asexual plus. While each letter in LGBTQIA+ stands for a specific group of people, the term encompasses the entire spectrum of gender fluidity and sexual identities. The terms and definitions are always evolving and changing and often mean different things to different people.
The term “coming out” is typically used for people who want to tell other people about their preferences, and it’s important to remember that no two LGBTQIA+ people will have the same experience.
However, that doesn’t mean to say you shouldn’t be comfortable with being who you are or feel you have to hide or change for anyone…
It’s also important to remember that you are supported, you matter, and you are enough.
As a therapist with over 30 years of experience, I know all too well the challenges the LGBTQIA+ communities face regarding mental wellbeing. Unfortunately, even though most of our thinking has moved on, many still struggle to come out about their sexuality because they fear how people will react.
That’s why I am writing this article so you can step into your confident self. As well as this, I’ve produced a video to help people deal with anxieties around this time in their lives which will be available on my YouTube channel.
Over three decades, I’ve had hundreds of clients confide in me about their fears of being their true selves, and all their insecurities boil down to these two things:
Feeling enough and having the confidence to express yourself.
This lack of confidence to not be ourselves comes down to not feeling enough. So I’m here to show you the secret to how you can change this and step out as your true authentic self…
What is holding you back from coming out?
First, we must understand that not being able to fully express our identity or desires is not our fault.
You see, it’s our natural human instinct and survival mechanism to seek connection and avoid rejection. We live in and need communities to survive, originating from pre-historic times when we lived in tribes and caves for our safety.
And the same is true for today. We have a core instinct to feel safe.
So if our communities only accept “heterosexual relationships,” and that message has been instilled into society throughout the decades, no wonder you don’t feel safe to be your true self and might feel nervous about sharing your news with the world.
The good news is there are so many supportive communities that can help you, but it’s important to remember that the confidence to be who you are must first come from within…
Build Your Self-Esteem Today
When you have low self-esteem, you hold yourself back from having the life you want to live and having the experiences you want to have. It can even stop you from having a normal conversation with someone, let alone sharing something new.
It’s good to have support around you if you’re thinking of coming out, but it’s even more important that you wholeheartedly believe in yourself.
You see, self-esteem is what we feel about ourselves.
I could sit here and tell you all day that I regard you in the highest esteem, but it won’t mean anything unless you have high regard for yourself.
Because there is nothing that will boost your self-esteem as praise can.
But guess what?
It’s not the praise you hear from other people, as nice as that can be; it’s the praise you give yourself that is the most important.
When you praise yourself, your self-esteem is raised.
When you praise yourself, your mind has no hidden agenda.
When you praise yourself, there are no conditions.
Your mind doesn’t care if what you tell it is right or wrong, true or false, healthy or not; it simply lets it in. And that’s why it’s so important to stop criticizing and instead, start praising yourself daily.
I promise you that praising does not make you big-headed, arrogant, or obnoxious; it makes you better.
Praise boosts you, whereas criticism withers you.
The good thing with self-praise is that no one has to know you’re doing it. It’s about you taking the time to say nice things to yourself.
Once you do this every day, it becomes a habit, and when you make a habit, it turns right around and makes you—it becomes a part of who you are.
Find Acceptance in Yourself
If you grew up in an environment where being gay, bisexual, or curious was frowned upon, you may have conflicting beliefs and unmet needs that stop you from becoming your true self.
The good news is that you can reframe these unmet needs and beliefs and start re-writing your future now by simply telling yourself the words you longed and craved to hear growing up by telling these to yourself. Words such as:
“I am proud of myself.”
“I love myself for who I am.”
You can incorporate these into your daily routine, known as habit stacking. For example, whenever you clean your teeth, wash your face or comb your hair in the mirror, stop and look at yourself and tell yourself these words and that you are enough.
Choose Your Environment
We absorb much of what is in our environments without realizing it—from the people we surround ourselves with to what we consume on social media. So decide today that you’re going to find people who support the lifestyle that you want to live.
If you have negative or toxic people in your life, make a conscious effort to spend less time with them and start to surround yourself with people that lift your spirits. For example, you could call a friend that makes you laugh or join a new online or offline community that helps you feel good and grow.
Make a conscious choice to step away, and distance yourself from work colleagues, friends, or associates who don’t support you or your sexuality. With family, you can do things to eliminate the contact you have with them to protect yourself, setting clear and strong boundaries.
Step Into Your Confident Self
Confident people never say to themselves, “I can’t do this.” Instead, they find a way to make things happen and look for the best outcome. You can learn more through my confidence-building activities.
If you have a strong desire to step out and express yourself, you need to find the conviction behind your confidence.
Having ultimate confidence also means you have the resilience to deal with setbacks. Remember that for some, your news may be a shock, and they need time to process it, and they may react in ways that are unexpected. When you are confident in yourself, you find tools to be resilient and cope better with people’s reactions.
Your confidence usually takes the biggest knock when you are faced with a difficult time. So being able to build your confidence muscle is key to becoming immune to the ups and downs of everyday life.
Many of us have trouble accepting ourselves fully. We may find it easy to appreciate our strengths, but we develop an overwhelming sense of judgment and rejection regarding our flaws and failures and worry about what others think of us.
Here are three things I want you to understand today:
- We often aren’t aware of our core belief systems and worries that knock our confidence as they are buried deep subconsciously.
- You were born with incredible confidence, and somewhere along the line, this was diminished over time.
- You have the power to completely transform and re-write your life.
So how do we tap into this new belief and regain this ultimate confidence to come out?
The Secret To Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind for Phenomenal Confidence
Imagine being able to be fully yourself without any judgment…
Feeling empowered by your sexual choices and expressing exactly who you are without worries…
And having the confidence to bounce back from negativity and let it wash over you…
Reprogramming your mind at its very core…
By instilling new subconscious beliefs in yourself that are so strong, other people will sense them too, and the effects are powerful beyond belief.
And the wonderful thing about creating more confidence about your sexuality in your life? It not only affects how you feel about yourself, but it has a ripple effect in other areas of your life too.
The great news is, you can achieve this in just a week with my I Am Enough 7-Day Course.
Many people think that changing habits and beliefs takes years of work, and that’s simply not true. Your mind is malleable, and using the power of neuroplasticity and neuroscience in I Am Enough, no matter what unhelpful thoughts have held you back in the past and stopped you from coming out, you have the power to reframe and change these today.
Watch here as I explain how it works.
You get to recode and rewire new powerful beliefs at a deep subconscious level—a level your conscious mind cannot reach—to be able to come out as your best confident self.
No more anxiety eating you up about who you are and stepping into your true identity.
No more 3 a.m. worries, tossing and turning at night wondering how you will tell people about your sexuality.
No more hiding.
You get to finally feel liberated, and the relief will be immense…
The freedom to be your true self and take your place in the world.
Remember that your self-worth starts with fully accepting yourself and knowing that you—alone—are enough.
Discover how my I Am Enough 7-Day Course can help you step out today.