A lot of the time we’re making New Year’s resolutions that we think are really good for us, but we don’t even want to make them. We tell ourselves we’ll never eat sugar again, never shout at our kids again, never be messy again. And we all know how that usually ends.
I’m a flawed person having flawed relationships, and so are you. That’s not a criticism. It’s simply the truth of being human.
In my thirty years as a therapist, I’ve seen why resolutions fail over and over again. They’re built on restriction, punishment, and something I call identity mismatch.
The behaviour you’re trying to force doesn’t match how you see yourself, so your mind fights against it.
But here’s the good news: I’m going to show you how to keep New Year’s resolutions that work and that can change your entire life.
This isn’t about willpower or discipline. It’s about understanding how your mind works and using that knowledge to make lasting change feel natural.
If you’re ready to transform the way you approach change, I’ve created a library of hypnosis audios specifically designed to reprogram your subconscious beliefs.
They help you install new patterns at the deepest level while you simply relax. And the good news is that every one is available in my all access pass. Whether you want to lose weight, attract wealth, or find love, there’s a hypnosis for you.
Why Traditional New Year's Resolutions Rarely Work
Before you can learn how to keep New Year’s resolutions, you need to understand why your previous attempts haven’t worked.
It’s not because you’re weak or lack commitment. It’s because traditional resolutions work against your mind instead of with it.
The Problem With "Never" and "Always"
At New Year, we all get very into resolutions. I’ll never eat sugar again. I’ll never get drunk again. I’m never going to be messy again. We have all these great intentions.
But because I’m a flawed person, if I say I will never ever eat cake again and I’m going to stick to it, the day I eat cake I think I’ve failed completely. Now I feel so bad I might as well have more cake and crisps as well.
This is the first reason we break our resolutions. They’re too rigid, too difficult.
When you say never, never ever, I will never do that again, your mind goes into resistance. It thinks: I feel restricted, I can’t have it and I want it.
That internal tension creates a battle you’re almost certain to lose. One slip becomes total abandonment because the all-or-nothing rule leaves no room for being human.
When Resolutions Are Built on Shame
Many resolutions come from a place of self-criticism. You look at yourself and see everything wrong, everything needing to be fixed. You make promises fuelled by shame, hoping that punishing yourself will force you to change.
But I know that the greatest pain for us is caused by the lies we tell ourselves. Statements like “I’m hopeless” or “I have no self-control” or “I always fail” become instructions your mind follows.
Self-criticism doesn’t fuel lasting change. It fuels emotional eating, avoidance, and eventually collapse. Willpower alone cannot withstand the weight of shame-based motivation.
The Identity Mismatch
Here’s the deeper reason resolutions fail: the behaviour you’re trying to adopt doesn’t match how you see yourself.
The strongest force in you and in me is that we must act in a way that totally lines up and matches how we define ourselves.
When you go, “I’m a loser, I’m an idiot, I’m the kind of person who can’t stick to anything,” you’re already doing it.
You’re trying to act like a healthy person while still identifying as someone who struggles with food. You’re trying to be organised while still believing you’re naturally chaotic.
Your actions will always return to match your identity.
This is why knowing how to keep New Year’s resolutions requires identity-first change. You don’t change your behaviour and hope your identity follows. You change your identity and watch your behaviour naturally align.
The First Shift That Makes Resolutions Stick
If you want to know how to keep New Year’s resolutions that actually last, you need to approach change differently.
Not with more discipline, but with more compassion. Not with stricter rules, but with smarter psychology.
Make Resolutions Kinder, Not Harder
First of all, you’ve got to find a better way of making resolutions. You need to make your New Year’s resolutions kinder. Don’t make them super rigid.
Instead of saying no sugar ever, you could say you’re going to give up refined sugar, so you can still have fruit and natural sweetness.
Instead of no alcohol, you could say you’re only going to drink at weekends, or three days out of seven.
These boundaries feel manageable rather than punishing. They allow for flexibility without guilt. When you make your resolutions kinder, you remove the resistance because your mind no longer feels deprived.
Focus on What You Are Gaining, Not What You Are Giving Up
Think about how most resolutions are framed. I’m giving up alcohol. I’m giving up cigarettes. I’m giving up swearing. I’m giving up late nights. Don’t focus on what you’re giving up, because you go into loss.
The most painful word in the world is loss. It’s why weight loss doesn’t work. The mind links pain to what you’re giving up and losing.
Instead, focus on what you are gaining. Instead of no more late nights, say “I take myself to bed earlier every night because I care about my wellbeing.”
The behaviour might be similar, but the emotional experience is completely different.
When you reframe your resolutions around wellbeing, care, and self-respect, your mind moves toward them rather than fighting against them.
Add Before You Subtract
One of the most effective strategies for keeping resolutions is counterintuitive: instead of focusing on what to remove from your life, focus on what to add.
Why Adding Good Habits Works Better Than Removing Bad Ones
Instead of taking bad stuff out of your diet, it’s actually more important to put good stuff in. Your mind responds more positively to expansion than deprivation.
When you add something nourishing to your life, there’s no sense of loss, no feeling of restriction, no internal battle to fight. You’re building something rather than destroying something.
Try adding things in rather than taking them out. This simple shift changes the entire emotional experience of your resolution.
Simple Examples That Create Momentum
You could say, “I’m always adding some green stuff, some vegetables, some broccoli. Every day I add something healthy to my diet.” Instead of cutting foods, you’re adding nourishment.
Other examples that work:
- Add a glass of water before each meal instead of banning snacks
- Add a morning walk instead of forcing yourself to the gym
- Add five minutes of calm before bed instead of banning screens
- Add something nourishing to every meal instead of eliminating food groups
Each addition creates positive momentum. Each one naturally crowds out the behaviours you wanted to change anyway, without the emotional cost of deprivation.
The Most Important Resolution You Will Ever Make
Of all the changes you could make this year, one stands above the rest. It’s the foundation that makes every other resolution possible. And it’s surprisingly simple.
Why "I Am Enough" Changes Everything
The most important resolution is easy. My favourite resolution to say every day is this: I am enough. I matter. I’m significant. I’m lovable.
I’m lovable because I’m lovable. I’m enough because I’m enough.
This might sound too simple to be powerful, but understanding your own enoughness removes the driving force behind most self-destructive behaviour.
Think about why people overeat, overspend, over-scroll, and overconsume. Beneath these behaviours is usually an unmet emotional need, a feeling of not being enough, a void that needs filling.
What Happens When You Truly Know You Are Enough
When you know you’re enough, you don’t need more. You don’t need more chocolate, you don’t need to buy more, you don’t need more likes, more screen time, more followers.
The endless seeking stops because you’re no longer trying to fill an unfillable hole. From this place of enoughness, discipline becomes natural rather than forced.
You take care of yourself because you believe you’re worth taking care of. You set boundaries because you know your time and energy matter. You make healthy choices because you genuinely want to feel good, not because you’re punishing yourself for being bad.
This is exactly why I created hypnosis audios that speak directly to your subconscious mind. They help you install the belief that you are enough at the deepest level, so that all other changes flow naturally from that foundation.
You can access my entire library of powerful hypnoses for lasting change by clicking here.
The Power of "I Am" Statements
Once you understand your own enoughness, you can begin using the most powerful tool for learning how to keep New Year’s resolutions: identity-based language.
The Words After "I Am" Shape Your Life
Let’s make this the year that you sit down and start to affirm and embody and state and say: I am enough. But let’s take it further.
The words that follow “I am” will follow you for your entire life. The words that go after “I am” will go after you.
This isn’t poetry but how your mind actually works.
Your mind’s job, in case you didn’t know, is to make your thoughts real. You can choose to say whatever you like. I’m an idiot, I’m amazing, I’m terrified, I’m excited, I can’t do it, I can do it, I’m not ready, I couldn’t be more ready.
We get to choose.
But your body has no choice. Zero choice. Your body must act in a way that lines up with how you are defining it, describing it.
Identity-Based Resolutions That Cannot Be Broken
You could start to say things like: I’m a person who is indifferent to sugar. I’m a person who always adds healthy food to whatever they’re eating. I’m the person who always goes to bed before midnight on a workday.
When you state it and affirm it, it becomes true. This is why identity-based resolutions cannot be broken the way traditional resolutions can.
A traditional resolution says “I will eat healthier.” An identity-based resolution says “I am the kind of person who always eats something healthy with every meal.”
The first can be broken. You miss a day and you’ve failed. The second cannot be broken because it’s about who you are, not what you do on any single day.
Why the Body Must Follow Identity
When you start to make these powerful statements of truth, something remarkable happens. Your mind, body, and psyche are working to make it one of the rules of your mind.
Every thought you think is a blueprint that your mind, your body, and your very psyche work to make real. Every thought you think has a physical reaction and an emotional response.
So when you start to think better thoughts, everything changes. You’re not fighting against yourself anymore. You’re simply giving yourself new instructions and letting your mind and body do what they do naturally: align with your self-definition.
How to Create Resolutions That Last for Life
You now understand why traditional resolutions fail and why identity-based resolutions succeed. Here’s how to put this knowledge into practice so you know exactly how to keep New Year’s resolutions for good.
Choose Identity Over Effort
The shift is from doing to being. Instead of trying to do healthy things, become a healthy person. Instead of trying to do organised things, become an organised person.
Here’s the thing to consider: how about telling yourself a better lie? You can decide that you have a great memory, that you’re super organised, that you love eating healthy food, that you love going to the gym.
Say it, state it, embody it. You know what happens? It becomes real.
Speak to Yourself With Intention
Most people speak to themselves without any awareness of what they’re saying. They mutter self-criticisms, repeat limiting beliefs, and reinforce negative identities without ever noticing.
Your words shape your reality. If you don’t like your reality, go back and change your language. It can be the beginning of changing everything.
Before you speak about yourself, pause. Consider whether the words you’re about to use support the person you want to become. If they don’t, choose different words.
Practice Without Pressure
Here’s something liberating about this approach: these identity statements are a resolution you’ll never break.
You don’t have to say your “I am” affirmations every day. You can do it once a week or a few times a month.
But you can’t break this resolution. You know why? Because it’s not about what you do. It’s about who you are becoming.
Very quickly, saying “I am enough” and “I’m the kind of person who…” stops being a practice and becomes simply who you are. That’s the power of identity-based change.
A Simple Daily Practice to Keep New Year's Resolutions Effortless
Here’s a simple practice that shows you exactly how to keep New Year’s resolutions without struggle. It costs nothing, takes only minutes, and creates lasting change from the inside out.
The Five "I Am" Practice
How easy it is to say every day: I’m just going to say five things. Just give yourself these “I am” statements, because they will change your life. It’s free, it’s easy.
Say these with confidence, with unshakable certainty:
I am enough.
I am confident.
I am smart.
I am lovable.
I am self-assured.
Then add your own. What do you want to be true about yourself? What identity do you want to step into? Say it. Claim it. Become it.
"I Am the Kind of Person Who" Statements
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Take the practice further with “I am the kind of person who” statements. These connect your identity to specific behaviours without the rigidity of traditional resolutions.
I’m the kind of person who prioritises their health.
I’m the kind of person who finds it easy to talk to anyone.
I’m the kind of person who always drinks water first thing.
I’m the kind of person who always puts some healthy food into whatever they’re eating.
I’m the kind of person who goes to bed early on a weekday.
Fill in your own endings. You might say you’re the kind of person who completes tasks, tidies up the house, remembers important things, gets to work on time, finishes what they start, prioritises their physical, mental, and emotional health.
You get to choose. Remember, your body cannot choose but to act on the words you give it. But you have the joy of choosing to give yourself better suggestions.
This Is a Resolution You Will Never Break
Now you know how to keep New Year’s resolutions that actually last. Not through punishment or restriction. Not through white-knuckling your way through January. Through identity, language, and becoming the person for whom your goals are simply natural.
Your words shape your reality. If you don’t like your reality, go back and change your language. It can be the beginning of changing everything.
This resolution is easy. It’s free. And it works. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You don’t have to do it every day. You simply have to keep returning to it, keep speaking these truths about yourself, keep embodying the person you’re becoming.
Let all of us resolve to do this every day or every few days for the rest of our lives because it works. And let’s resolve to pass this on to our children, our friends, our family.
When you change how you speak to yourself, you don’t just change your own life. You model something powerful for everyone around you.
Grow in your “I am” statements. Grow in your “I’m the kind of person who” statements. You’ll always be growing, continually making a difference to yourself and to others too.
If you want support in this transformation, I’ve created hypnosis audios specifically designed to help you reprogram these beliefs at the subconscious level. They do the deep work while you simply relax.
Say it with me one more time:
I am enough.
I am ready.
This is my year.
