We all crave the sense of deep connection that we get from our relationships with other people; it’s an intrinsic part of being human. We fear rejection and crave acceptance, and it’s perfectly normal to want to feel a strong bond with others.
But if your partner, boss, friend, or even your parent is a narcissist, that bond can do more harm than good and cross over into abuse.
This type of abuse can leave you feeling confused, trapped, and alone. As a result, you may find it difficult to think or act rationally. But there is a way out, and I want to help.
So in this article, you’re going to learn:
- What is narcissism?
- What are the signs of a narcissist?
- How do narcissists use attachments to control their victims?
- What are trauma bonds and cognitive dissonance?
- The 4 keys to finally breaking free from a narcissist’s abuse
- How to rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse
Narcissists often have a very strong need for control and power over others, but let’s take the first step to freedom together by looking at a simple definition.
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a personality disorder that causes some people to be arrogant, demanding, manipulative, and exploitative in their relationships. They believe nothing is wrong with them and everything is wrong with everybody else.
While it’s normal to have some narcissistic traits, narcissists take them to an extreme. They believe they’re superior to others and have little or no regard for other people’s feelings.
This can cause serious problems in their personal and professional relationships.
Narcissists often try to control and manipulate the people around them. And when things don’t go their way, they may become angry or even abusive.
What Are the Signs of a Narcissist?
There are many signs that a person may be a narcissist, but some of the most common are:
– A bloated sense of entitlement
– A need for admiration
– A chronic lack of empathy for others
– A grandiose sense of self-importance
– A preoccupation with power and success
– A need for control
Watch my YouTube video to learn more: The BIG SIGNS You’re Dealing With A NARCISSIST!
How Do Narcissists Use Attachments to Control Their Victims?
Narcissists often use ‘attachments’ to control their victims.
They may do this by being excessively charming and attentive at the beginning of a relationship, then slowly withdrawing their attention or love as it progresses. This can create a feeling of insecurity and dependency in the victim, which the narcissist can exploit.
What Are the Trauma Bonds Caused by Narcissists?
Trauma bonds are a specific type of attachment that can be formed between a narcissist and their victim.
They are created by the narcissist’s behavior pattern alternating between abuse and kindness, which leaves the victim feeling confused and trapped. The victim may feel like they need the narcissist in their life, even though the narcissist is causing them pain.
Several factors can contribute to the formation of a trauma bond, including:
– The narcissist’s ability to charm and manipulate their victim
– The victim’s low self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness
– The victim’s fear of abandonment
– The victim’s need for approval or validation from the narcissist
What Is Cognitive Dissonance?
Narcissists may use cognitive dissonance to control their victims.
This is when a victim holds two contradictory beliefs and feels uncomfortable as a result. For example, a narcissist may tell their victim they are worthless and then turn around and say they are the most special person in the world.
This can create confusion and uncertainty in the victim, making it very difficult to think logically and leave the relationship.
The 4 Keys to Finally Break Free From a Narcissist’s Abuse
1. Recognize that you are being abused
Recognizing that you are being abused is the first step to breaking free from narcissist abuse.
If you have a relationship with a narcissist, you may not even realize you are being abused.
That’s because narcissists are experts at manipulating people and isolating them from their support networks. Here are some signs that will help you recognize that you are being abused:
– You feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells around the narcissist. You never know what will set them off, and you are always afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
– The narcissist is always taking credit for your accomplishments and minimizing your contributions.
– The narcissist is convinced they are never wrong and always find a way to make you feel like it’s your fault.
– The narcissist uses verbal abuse, threats, and intimidation to control you.
– You have lost touch with your friends and family because the narcissist has convinced you that they are all ‘out to get you.’
– You feel as though you can’t do anything right and the narcissist is the only one who understands you.
By the way, if you are trying to cope with a narcissistic father, I have a helpful article for you called Narcissistic Father? Here’s How To Step Into Your Superpower…
If you have a narcissistic mother, check out 3 Ways To Heal And Deal With A Narcissistic Mother.
I also have powerful audios that will give you the tools to help you recover from the damage caused by abusive parents, step into your power, regain your freedom, and find strength and excitement to re-write your future.
You can find them in my shop here.
2. Reach out for support
You must reach out for support if you are in an abusive relationship with a narcissist.
This can be from a therapist, counselor, or coach specializing in narcissist abuse recovery or even a suitable friend or family member.
You could also find an abuse hotline or support group specifically for narcissist abuse survivors. These resources can help you make sense of what you are going through and how to best protect yourself.
3. Build your self-esteem
One of the most important things you can do to break free from narcissist abuse is to work on building your self-esteem. This includes accepting yourself for who you are, setting boundaries, and learning to stand up for yourself.
Narcissists often target people with low self-esteem because they are easier to control. So, by increasing your self-esteem, you are making it more difficult for the narcissist to control you.
Remember that you cannot change yourself to make a narcissist better. That’s because the issue is not you or anybody else—it’s their internal unhappiness.
4. Create a safe exit plan
It is important to create a safe exit plan, and if the narcissist is your partner, that must include how you will leave them and where you will go.
Depending on your circumstances, you might need to have a financial plan in place. This may mean getting a new job, opening a new bank account, or getting a restraining order.
How to Rebuild Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse can leave you feeling shattered and uncertain of yourself. But actually, you do have a choice here.
You have the power to decide not to let hurtful and abusive criticism in.
It’s important to remember that you are not to blame for the abuse and that you can rebuild your life. Here are some steps to help you recover:
Take care of yourself. Be sure to eat healthily, exercise, and get plenty of rest. Taking care of your physical well-being will help you feel stronger and more capable of dealing with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse.
Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself as you heal. Remember that this is a process, and it will take time.
Set boundaries. Once you’ve healed from the narcissist’s abuse, it’s important to set boundaries so that you don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of again.
Focus on the future. Narcissistic abuse can make it hard to believe in yourself or see a bright future ahead. But remember, this isn’t the end of your story—it’s just the beginning. You are strong, capable, and deserving of a life free from abuse.
So here’s my advice: If you are in a relationship with someone who suffers from narcissism, you have to recognize the signs of narcissistic abuse and how to protect yourself.
Narcissism can have a devastating effect on relationships, but it’s their issue, not yours.
It’s a narcissist’s job to make you feel wrong so they can be right.
This article has covered the steps you can take to heal from the abuse and rebuild your life.
I also have another video that I hope you find helpful here: SIGNS Of An Abusive Relationship & How To Leave To FIND HAPPINESS.
There are so many people out there that you can love and who can love you too.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is help available.