The Brad And Jen Effect – Should You Ever Get Back With An Ex?

The Brad And Jen Effect - Should You Ever Get Back With An Ex?

Posted on January 31st 2020 by Laura Armstrong

Diehard Brad and Jen-shippers have never given up hope that these two will reignite their romance.

“Find someone who looks at you the way Brad looks at Jen” was the outcry following those photos from the SAG Awards. Following their affectionate display, social media has erupted with calls for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to get back together. 

Looking at that photo was like traveling back to when they first started dating twenty years ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been fifteen years since they called it quits. 

Why do we care so much?

It seems everyone has an opinion on Brad and Jen. For every person calling for a reunion, there is someone strongly against the idea. Add in the murky area around Brad’s rumored affair with Angelina Jolie and you have a story more gripping than any Hollywood blockbuster.

Is our fascination with these celebrity exes because we can relate? A Kansas State University study suggests that many of us would go back to an ex. The study revealed that nearly half of couples currently living together had previously broken up. Whether Brad and Jen have/have not, will/will not get back together is no-one’s business but theirs. However, for the rest of us facing the same predicament, here are a few things to consider before getting back together with an ex…

How long has it been since you broke up?

Timing is everything. If it has only been a few days or weeks since you split, you need to give yourself more time. The early days after a break-up are unsettling. You are still adjusting to life without your partner and it is normal to miss the familiarity of the relationship. After a few months, if you are not starting to believe that ending the relationship was for the best, then start to consider the other points in this article.

What are your reasons for wanting to get back together?

Think of all the reasons why you want to reunite with your ex and write them down. You need to be sure what your motivations are. Once you have finished your list, read it back and see what motivation behind each reason is. For example, “I want someone to go to the movies with” is more about you not wanting to be alone than you wanting to be with that specific person. If your reasons are more in tune with “dating other people has made me realize what I had with you”, then you are more likely seeking a reunion for the right reasons.

If the fear of being alone is what is driving you, step back from your ex. Take time to work on your mindset and how you approach relationships. Internationally-renowned therapist, Marisa Peer, has helped many people transform themselves from within to attract and maintain a loving relationship. You can do the same with Marisa’s Attract Your Perfect Relationship audio course.

Do your friends and family support a reunion?

Some eagle-eyed fans spotted that Jen’s BFF Courteney Cox had liked every single Instagram post of her Friends co-star with Brad at the SAG Awards. It sounds like Courteney’s all for those two getting back on track. 

If your friends and family do not react with such enthusiasm at the idea of you and your ex getting back together, listen to them. You might be seeing your ex through rose-tinted glasses but your loved ones remember the tears, fights, and fallouts. If they are not on board, even after hearing your reasons, give serious consideration to their reservations.

How did you feel when you were with your ex?

This is a big one. Were you happy with them? When you were in a relationship, did they make you feel loved and respected or were you miserable and on edge? Never rekindle a romance with someone who put you down or made you feel bad about yourself. Instead, you might find the advice in this article on 6 steps to joy after breaking up with someone helpful.

What went wrong last time?

Think about what drove you apart. Ask yourself two things:

  1. What is the solution?

  2. Is my request reasonable?

For example, if your ex left all the household chores to you, asking them to do more this time is reasonable. If you hated your ex’s family and the solution is to cut them out of their life, that is unreasonable. As much as you might want to rekindle the romance, if there are not reasonable solutions then it will end in heartbreak again. 

Can you let go of the past?

Whether it was infidelity that split you up, or the things you said in the heat of the moment that is playing on your mind, you need to let go of the baggage from last time. Discuss the hurtful incidents of the past with your ex-partner then close that chapter. To make things work the second time around, you cannot bring up past hurts in every argument. Make that promise to yourself and your ex that you will leave the past in the past.

Is your ex on the same page?

Of course, a relationship takes two. If your ex is showing no signs of wanting to get back together then you should focus on moving on. If you think your feelings will be reciprocated then wait a while before contacting your ex. Once you have your reasons and solutions clear in your mind, sit with it for a few weeks. Try not to contact your ex during that time and see if your feelings are still as strong after that period of no-contact.

Whether you decide to get back together or move on from the breakup, relationships can be a tricky path to navigate. There is a whole host of advice on Marisa Peer’s blog on attracting and maintaining healthy relationships.

You can learn how to remove blocks to finding and maintaining love in Marisa’s Attracting and Maintaining a Loving Relationship module from her “I Am Enough” course. Discover why your mind likes to recreate what is familiar and the only thing you need to change to attract and maintain love.