Published: February 6, 2020
Updated: March 23, 2021
February 6, 2020
The secret to better sex? You.
If you are one the many women who put your sexual satisfaction solely in your partner’s hands, read on.
The taboo topic of female pleasure was recently the subject of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Netflix series, The Goop Lab.
In episode 3 “The Pleasure Is Ours”, Gwyneth and her curious Goop team dived into the topic with enthusiasm, quizzing sex experts like Betty Dodson, and challenging us women to take responsibility for our sexual gratification.
What can we learn from Gwyneth Paltrow?
Taking responsibility for your sexual pleasure can feel like an alien concept. Most of us project our satisfaction onto our partners, but how can your partner know what you like if you do not tell them? How do you tell them if you do not know yourself?
With a Hollywood superstar like Gwyneth Paltrow discussing how even she struggles to have these conversations around desire, it has opened up that conversation among the masses.
To have a powerful sex life, you need to embrace your body, needs, and desires. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, there is no better time to take control of your sexual pleasure.
We have rounded up the best secrets from The Goop Lab and sex therapists so you can enjoy a powerful sex life.
Get better acquainted with yourself
Dive deeper into your anatomy. One of the interesting facts to come up in The Goop Lab documentary was that in a 2016 survey of 1,000 women, 44% were unable to identify the vagina on a medical illustration and 60% could not label the vulva — even Gwyneth had to be educated on the difference between the two!
If we do not know what is going on down there, how can we enjoy an amazing sex life? In the documentary, sex educator Betty Dodson advises women to take a mirror and have a look around. Fly solo to discover what you like with these tips on getting to know your genitals from LifeHacker.
Once you know what you are working with, you need to embrace it. Another amazing fact of the documentary was the rise in demand for labiaplasty surgeries.
Many women do not know what a ‘normal’ female body is and there is a lot of shame attached to our sexuality. We are so influenced by the heavily-edited, surgically-enhanced bodies we see on screen and in magazines.
Know that whatever you have is normal. There is no one ‘“look” we should all be aspiring to. In 2019, photographer Laura Dodsworth set about capturing images of over 100 vulvas to challenge misconceptions about the female body. Take a look at the exhibition yourself to see the sheer diversity.
Get to know your body… outside of the bedroom
Ever heard that yogis have better sex?
Women who practice yoga report improved arousal and better orgasms. What does yoga have to do with sex? It is the mind-body connection it encourages.
Start to move your body in other ways, it does not have to be yoga. Exercises that encourage the conscious movement of your body, like Pilates and dance, will allow you to develop a better connection to yourself.
Great, you are now more in touch with your body. What next?
We focus on the mind
The ability to orgasm begins in the mind. With 30 years’ experience helping people enjoy better sex lives, this is something celebrity therapist, Marisa Peer, knows to be true. You need to be better acquainted with your body, but you also need to program your mind to say yes to an orgasmic response.
Marisa’s unique method of Rapid Transformational Therapy™ (RTT™) combines the most beneficial principles of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, CBT, NLP and neuroscience to change the mind’s thought processes fast. The result? An immediate, drastic improvement in your sexual pleasure and confidence.
RTT’s effectiveness for transforming sex lives has led one of Marisa’s graduate therapists, Gary Albert Hughes, to specialize in helping clients enjoy better sex. “I often see amazing results after just one session… we get right to the root cause of how the issue started,” Gary explains in this interview. Using the techniques of RTT, Gary helps his clients “build new neural pathways in the brain resulting in transformed physiological reactions in the body.”
RTT can do the same for you — find a therapist near you.
Now your body and mind are ready to enjoy your best sex ever, it is time to bring your partner along for the ride. One exercise in The Goop Lab split the participants into (non-sexual) pairs to give and receive a hand massage. The challenge was to communicate what felt good and what they wanted more or less of. The person giving the massage also asked for feedback.
What can we learn from this? Speak up. Ask questions. Your partner will not know what you enjoy if you do not tell them. Try the massage technique yourself. It is a good, non-pressured, non-sexual way to get used to communicating your needs and desires.
Keep that desire burning
Now you are all set for your best sex ever. Keep that desire and open mindset strong and listen to Marisa Peer’s Having A Powerful Orgasm audio. Get ready to enjoy a powerful sexual response, whatever your age or relationship stage.
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