The Secrets of Finding Love | Marisa Peer

The Secrets of Finding Love

The Secrets of Finding Love

Posted on December 6th 2019 by Marisa Peer

The secrets of finding love. 

We all want love in our lives and this article will explain how we can attract and maintain a lasting loving relationship. The sad truth is that deep down many of us don't feel lovable enough. However, if you want to have a fantastic relationship with someone who's worth being with, you have to feel like you are lovable. 

We come onto the planet needing love. There's no doubt about that. We are born with two driving needs: to find connection and avoid rejection. That is how you survived, by belonging to a tribe or family through finding connection and avoiding rejection.

Now as adults living in modern times, we don't need a tribe anymore to survive. We can live in an apartment, get everything we need delivered to us and we don’t need anyone else in order to make it. However, we all still want to be loved and have a terrible fear of rejection. This is because we are hardwired to fear rejection and long for love and connection. 

Don’t want someone who doesn’t want you.

Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? I see so many people desperately trying to make someone love them. They try to do everything they can to make another person think that they are the perfect one for them. Unfortunately that doesn't work. Love is not to be earned, worked for, bought or run after. Love is not to be chased. Love comes from within.

Stop trying to earn the love of someone that doesn't love you. Don't miss someone that doesn't miss you. Find someone who wants to love you for you, someone who really loves your very soul, not to have to earn it conditionally.

To find love you must believe you are lovable. 

The good news is that there are really simple things you can do right now that will massively increase your sense of being lovable and feeling worthy of love.

You will attract love to the degree that you believe you are worth it.

In order to find love you must believe you are lovable. How do you do that? Well, it's actually very simple. You have to say to yourself every day “I am lovable - just the way I am. I'm worthy of love. I deserve love. I have something to offer.”

What do you have to offer?

Many people think about the qualities they want in their perfect partner. What do they look like, what do they do, what are their values? That's fine, but they forget to think about what they have to offer. It’s also important to think about what qualities your perfect person will be looking for in you. Focus on all the positives you have to offer.

Not only look at the values you require in someone, but look at what they are looking for and then decide that you are what they're looking for. Tell yourself, I am what my perfect partner is looking for. I'm warm. I'm kind. I'm funny. I'm interesting. I'm sexy. I'm compelling…..

What people actually look for in a relationship includes warmth, kindness and human intelligence. Somebody that can make you laugh, someone that has got your back. That will support you no matter what. Someone who will love you for you - just as you are. Knowing that you can offer some of those qualities, as well as wanting those qualities in others, is a big way to feel lovable.

“But... I’m not beautiful enough, I’m not a supermodel!”

You mustn’t contradict your positives with a BUT… So many of my clients believe that they don’t have love because of the way they look. They think that because they don’t look like a supermodel, they somehow can’t find love. This isn’t true.

You may be surprised to know that some of my unhappiest clients are supermodels. Many of my supermodel clients find it hard to find love, they say that every guy they date diminishes them. They put them down. This is because they often feel inadequate. 

When you feel inadequate and like someone is better than you, there are two common choices: to embellish yourself or diminish them. If your partner is a gorgeous hot supermodel it may be hard to embellish yourself to feel equal. So instead they may try to diminish them with comments like: “You're not very smart. You're not intelligent. You have a job where you don’t have to use your brains…” 

The empowering truth is that you always have a choice

Here is the empowering truth, no one can make you feel bad without your permission. You can choose not to let their criticism in, you have a choice to never let them.

As explained in this ANTI-BULLY article, imagine a seesaw with one person at the top and the other at the bottom. When someone feels unworthy, they may try to tip the scales to make themselves feel better, by making the other person feel worse. However, when you love yourself as you are, you do not need other people to make you feel better about yourself.  When you love yourself, you have a lifelong romance that never fades or tires.

When you learn to love yourself, the whole world will reflect this back to you. 

In order to find and maintain love you need an absolute belief that you are lovable. When you feel worthy, everyone else joins in knowing you are worthy. It must be an unshakeable, unwavering belief that you are lovable. How do you do that? Well let me tell you, because it's so easy…

You are lovable. 

Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself "I love you. You are lovable. You are so worthy and deserving of love." Secondly you must praise yourself a lot. Tell yourself “I deserve love because... I'm a good person. I'm a kind person. I'm an amazing person. I am a lovable person.

Don't contradict yourself by feeling bad about how you look, what you are doing or what you are earning, because you are not your salary. You are not your job. You are not your childhood. You are not your weight, your shape, your size. You are definitely not your years. 

A powerful exercise you can do right now

I want you to imagine you had the best parents in the whole world that were absolutely trained to make you feel lovable. What would they say to you on a daily basis? 

You know what that is as we all want to hear the same thing: “I love you because you are you. I'm proud of you because you are you. How lucky am I to have you. I love being your parent. I love being around you. You are amazing.”

Imagine if your parents have said the words you've always wanted to hear. The praise you've always wanted, but possibly have never had. It's what I call the missing bit in you. Take a minute now and think about what praise you would have loved to hear. 

Say it out loud now...

I want you to say it now. Tell yourself what you most wanted to hear. Say to yourself: I love you. I'm so proud of you. You're the best ever. I'm so glad you are you. I love you just the way you are. You will find love because you are lovable. 

Even if your parents didn't love you, never celebrated you, or you have never felt loved, it doesn’t matter because you are going to tell yourself what you most want to hear, what you need to hear to feel totally loved. No matter how old you are or what you have been through, it's never too late to go back and put in the missing bit and tell yourself: I love you. I'm proud of you. You're amazing.”

This really does work!

I know this works because I have created a number of instant access audio recordings for love and relationships and I get the most incredible feedback from people who listen to them. One person said “I bought that audio and something bizarre happened. I went to the store I go to every week and this guy came up and said, “This is really weird, but I have an overwhelming need to talk to you. There's just something magnetic about you.” After listening to my recording, another lady said, “I was coming out of my apartment and I met this guy. He lived next door. He'd lived next door for years and I'd never seen him. He'd never seen me. We collided just like that and we're still together now. I know it's because I felt lovable that everything changed.” 

I’ve heard time and again how people went from being in a relationship wasteland, with no love, no guy, no girl, no nothing. Then once they feel lovable they attract lots of love, like a  magnet. That's what happens, when you know you're lovable, other people know it too.

If you want to find love, you have to do one thing... No designer clothes are required. No waxing, no contouring, no blow-drying is required, no faking or bigging yourself up or pretending you're something you're not. ...Just go out in the world knowing you are lovable.

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